Thursday, July 10, 2008

My destiny

I have never been the sort of person who believed she had a particular destiny in life. I have never been on a mission to become famous or save lives or fight for freedom. I have always believed I should live a good life, make good decisions, and try to be as happy as possible, no matter what life throws at me.

But I have certainly had moments when I believed that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I may not have envisioned those moments in advance, knowing before they happened that they were meant to be. But in the beauty of a moment, when good decisions and good luck happily collided and my soul was at peace, I have definitely experienced a profound well-being that told me I was in the right place at the right time. I felt that peace the day I met the girl who became my best friend for life when I was ten and just starting a new school. I felt it one warm summer night when I was sixteen and my first crush, unrequited for what seemed like years, told me he had a crush on me, too. And at my high-school graduation, the culmination of so many years of studying and learning celebrated in such spectacular fashion. And yet again that fall afternoon when my then-boyfriend of more than three years took me halfway up a mountain and proposed.

In fact, if I tried to count, I’m sure there would be dozens of moments, collected over the course of 36 years when I felt that ultimate peace — the kind that settles deep into your soul and whispers that everything is right in the world. But none of those moments seemed preordained. They certainly felt earned, once achieved, and even serendipitous, but not necessarily predestined. It wasn’t until I looked into my newborn son’s face that I truly understood my destiny. I was put on this earth to bear and raise this child. It became as clear to me as his crystal blue eyes. He is my destiny, my calling, my predestined life’s work. And the older he gets, the more I believe.

This may not be a novel or even uncommon discovery for new mothers. It likely seems unremarkable, even ordinary. But for me, it was my single biggest discovery. The realization that my life had a destiny all along, and that destiny was embodied in the every breath of a new being who is now under my sole care. I wholeheartedly accept this mission. And I hope one day when it is complete and my son is busy discovering his own destiny that I will be proud of how I fulfilled mine and look back on a life well-lived.

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